Since You Left

The pain and hurt remain as vivid in the heart as if it was happening right now - like you were moving away in all of that lazy haze that swirled around you. I held out my hand in release or as a desperate attempt to reach out to you still - was it yesterday? 

Was it time that swept you away across the farther end of the board and then stood still or was it my own mind forgoing all physical strings that remained long after the mind had already nipped off all vital connections between you and me. Why still is the pulse beating lazily setting off the jumbled mumbo jumbo of a movie - snippets of you and me, of you, of me, and then of you and me. Were it supposed to be that I will mirror you - aren’t you the past which has forever crept into my present and every moment of the future; slowly passing through the present and moving on to become the past again. Why are you not past. There isn’t a denial, neither any desire to pull back the past to the present. There is a dull throb in the head filled with an overwhelming realization that you; my friend are forever going to be what defined me. What defines me. What will define me.

 
You are the experience. The learning. The regrets. The good. The bad. Me

You are the loss I have no regrets for. You are those faces I know are not the same. The reflections that got caught and froze in the mirror of my mind. The reflections that remain oblivious to reality and change. I reach not to clasp you with both my hands; for you are gone. Forever. The pulse beats lazily. The movie plays. In rewind. Then fast forward.

The games we play - are just scenes from a memory.