I say this often - with big dreamy eyes - shaking my folks out of their reasuredness about my being grounded; "There is romance in travel, Ma".
This post has been waiting in my head, with just the same title and no words underneath, for over 3 years now. The words that will tumble out here, will indeed not be impressive. Not extra ordinary in their incomprehensibility. All they will say over and over again is - Have you felt love? I have felt love, the extreme sense of safety, security, groundedness - which no man could ever probably give to me - in travel.
I have found, in the eyes of a stranger, the feeling of belongingness. I have found deja vu in the smoke rising from a dhabba, the red/blue/yellow signboards passing by in a blur ... like I have in my dreams, seen this place. This exact same place with the exact same fixtures, sitting in the same auto, looking at the same metre reading.
It makes my heart pound, such is the surge of emotions I feel. In a quiet moment, nostalgia will hit me, and I will think of someone special. Maybe I will pick up my only source of connectedness to tell them I miss them, and just maybe, just like that - I will feel a quiet tear rolling down the contours of my cheek. With no one to witness it, or question it. Just me and the whirlpool of emotions.
I have felt a pair of warm hands clasping mine, not shaking me out of thoughts and memories, just standing by, feeling my pulse rise and fall, as the wind hit our faces and the lights went by in a blur. In conversations with just the eyes, I have known simplicity, without a question or a thought clouding my mind. In a white room, disconnected from the world, I have felt loneliness as heightened as it can be. In a graveyard, I have found myself looking for something with such conviction, as I never knew I would come to have. In the city I loved, I walked around, searching for that familiarity I felt with this someone I met randomly. Wondering if I would bump into them again, much the same way, to feel that exact sense of love I felt then. In the eyes of a committed man, I have seen that sense of belongingness to that woman, who awaits him at home. That nagging little sense of guilt for not buying her something worthwhile, from the city of his travels. Looking into the anxious eyes of a co-passenger, I have with bated breath wondered if he weren't a terrorist. Fear. Doubt. In the hasty rush of separation, I have felt the pang of sadness hit my innards. In losing that face in the crowds, I have felt some despair and much longingness. Looking at the card handed to me, I have felt me smile from the bottomest bottom of my heart. In scribbling on the palms of a stranger, I have felt the surge of child-like happiness spread inside me.
In my little head, these thoughts they swim. And they draw me towards themselves, asking me to experience them again. All over again. In the same intensity. It is such romance, I just close my eyes and let my thoughts wander, to find love - in my own heart.
In this lone moment, I do once again feel my eyes well up, awaiting a sense of permanence to take over something that I feel only once in a while.
How beautiful humans can be. Our minds. Our feelings. Our expressions. Such heart wrenching beauty that it makes my heart turn in twists and turns till it hurts and lets go of that desire to feel so much in love, all the time
Lust. I lust for that Romance.
This post has been waiting in my head, with just the same title and no words underneath, for over 3 years now. The words that will tumble out here, will indeed not be impressive. Not extra ordinary in their incomprehensibility. All they will say over and over again is - Have you felt love? I have felt love, the extreme sense of safety, security, groundedness - which no man could ever probably give to me - in travel.
I have found, in the eyes of a stranger, the feeling of belongingness. I have found deja vu in the smoke rising from a dhabba, the red/blue/yellow signboards passing by in a blur ... like I have in my dreams, seen this place. This exact same place with the exact same fixtures, sitting in the same auto, looking at the same metre reading.
It makes my heart pound, such is the surge of emotions I feel. In a quiet moment, nostalgia will hit me, and I will think of someone special. Maybe I will pick up my only source of connectedness to tell them I miss them, and just maybe, just like that - I will feel a quiet tear rolling down the contours of my cheek. With no one to witness it, or question it. Just me and the whirlpool of emotions.
I have felt a pair of warm hands clasping mine, not shaking me out of thoughts and memories, just standing by, feeling my pulse rise and fall, as the wind hit our faces and the lights went by in a blur. In conversations with just the eyes, I have known simplicity, without a question or a thought clouding my mind. In a white room, disconnected from the world, I have felt loneliness as heightened as it can be. In a graveyard, I have found myself looking for something with such conviction, as I never knew I would come to have. In the city I loved, I walked around, searching for that familiarity I felt with this someone I met randomly. Wondering if I would bump into them again, much the same way, to feel that exact sense of love I felt then. In the eyes of a committed man, I have seen that sense of belongingness to that woman, who awaits him at home. That nagging little sense of guilt for not buying her something worthwhile, from the city of his travels. Looking into the anxious eyes of a co-passenger, I have with bated breath wondered if he weren't a terrorist. Fear. Doubt. In the hasty rush of separation, I have felt the pang of sadness hit my innards. In losing that face in the crowds, I have felt some despair and much longingness. Looking at the card handed to me, I have felt me smile from the bottomest bottom of my heart. In scribbling on the palms of a stranger, I have felt the surge of child-like happiness spread inside me.
In my little head, these thoughts they swim. And they draw me towards themselves, asking me to experience them again. All over again. In the same intensity. It is such romance, I just close my eyes and let my thoughts wander, to find love - in my own heart.
In this lone moment, I do once again feel my eyes well up, awaiting a sense of permanence to take over something that I feel only once in a while.
How beautiful humans can be. Our minds. Our feelings. Our expressions. Such heart wrenching beauty that it makes my heart turn in twists and turns till it hurts and lets go of that desire to feel so much in love, all the time
Lust. I lust for that Romance.
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1 cared to blot it off.:
u have got a good flow....avoid redundant content!
voted 4 u...
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